Definition · Role · Rules · Pocket money · Safety
What is an au pair?
The complete guide to au pair status: what the word really means, what an au pair does (and does not do), the rules in force in each host country, how much pocket money to expect, how to stay safe, and a five-step checklist to get started.
Direct answer
An au pair is a young adult (usually between 18 and 30) who lives for a few months to a year with a host family abroad. In exchange for a few hours of help with the children each day (20 to 30 hours a week), they receive accommodation, meals and a weekly or monthly pocket-money allowance. It is not a full-time nanny role: above all, au pair is a cultural and language exchange where the au pair often takes language classes and explores a new country. Every country sets its own rules on age, hours and pay.
Verified by the AuPair Connect Compliance Team · Last updated: 15/09/2026.
1. The official au pair definition
The term "au pair" comes from French and literally means "on equal terms, on a par". This idea of equality is at the heart of the arrangement: neither an employee nor a volunteer, the au pair shares the family's life and is supported financially through pocket money rather than a salary. It is an exchange of help for accommodation and board rather than a classic employment relationship. Most countries frame this status with a specific convention or contract, distinct from ordinary labour law.
The Council of Europe's 1969 European Agreement on Au Pair Placement is the historical reference for this status: it defines the au pair as a young person temporarily received by a family, in a foreign country, for language and cultural improvement, with light family duties in return for board, lodging and pocket money. That definition still shapes the national schemes used today in France, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, Spain and beyond. The United States takes a different route: au pairs enter on a J-1 Exchange Visitor visa governed by the Department of State under 22 CFR 62.31, which sets the age band (18 to 26), the maximum working hours (45 per week) and the minimum educational component.
The key markers of genuine au pair status are therefore stable across countries:
- A cultural exchange first: the stay is designed for language learning and cultural immersion.
- Light childcare: a few hours a day, not a full-time position.
- Board and lodging: a private room and meals are provided by the family.
- Pocket money, not a salary, set by the host country's rules.
- A defined duration, usually a few months to one year, sometimes renewable once.
In practice, the au pair helps the family with the children and light household tasks, shares meals, takes part in everyday life and has free time to learn the language and discover the country. A stay usually lasts from a few months to a year, often with a possible extension depending on local regulations.
2. Au pair vs nanny vs babysitter: what's the difference?
These three roles are often confused, yet they describe three different legal realities. Choosing the wrong one is the most common source of administrative disputes — and, for host families, of unexpected tax and payroll obligations.
| Criteria | Au pair | Nanny | Babysitter |
|---|---|---|---|
| Legal basis | Cultural-exchange convention / specific programme | Employment contract (often declared) | Occasional service |
| Live-in | Yes — private room provided | Sometimes | No |
| Hours | ~20-30 h/week | Full-time, e.g. 35-40 h/week | A few hours, as needed |
| Pay | Pocket money fixed by the country | Salary, at or above minimum wage | Hourly / per-shift rate |
| Language classes | Often mandatory or encouraged | Not part of the role | Not part of the role |
| Age range | Usually 18-30 (or 18-26 in the J-1 programme) | No specific limit | No specific limit (often 16+) |
The term "au-pair girl" is still widely used but the practice is open to young men and women alike. Keeping these statuses distinct — convention vs employment contract — is essential to avoid administrative misunderstandings, especially around taxes and social contributions. For the full decision breakdown, including a total-cost calculator and legal-status detail by country, read our au pair vs nanny comparison.
3. Rights and duties of an au pair
Au pair status is a two-way agreement. Both the au pair and the host family have clear obligations, and writing them down from day one is the best protection against conflict.
What the au pair is entitled to
- A private room and full board (meals with the family).
- Pocket money paid regularly, at the rate set by the country.
- Fixed working hours and free time, including at least one day off per week.
- Time to attend language classes, and often financial support for them.
- Social protection: country-specific coverage (social security or mandatory private insurance).
- Respect for privacy and the right to report abuse to the authorities.
- A written convention or contract before arrival.
What the au pair is expected to do
- Childcare: supervision, play, outings and homework help.
- Light tasks related to the children (tidying their rooms, preparing their meals, their laundry).
- Respect the family's rules and the host country's culture and laws.
- Attend language classes where the programme requires it.
- Communicate openly about schedules, holidays and difficulties.
- Give reasonable notice before leaving, and follow the rematch procedure.
What the au pair is not expected to do is just as important: heavy cleaning, caring for elderly relatives, full-time hours, night duty on a regular basis, or working without a written agreement. When a family asks for this, the arrangement has drifted from au pair status into employment — with the legal and tax consequences that carries. If you are unsure whether your situation is lawful, our safety approach page explains how we handle reports.
4. Host family conditions and obligations
Becoming a host family is not the same as hiring a nanny. The family commits to an educational and cultural exchange, and its obligations are framed by the host country. Before welcoming an au pair, a family should be able to meet four conditions.
- 1 A private room for the au pair. The au pair must have their own bedroom, ideally with a desk and storage, and access to shared bathrooms and living spaces. A sofa in the children's room does not qualify.
- 2 At least one child under 18 living in the household. Au pair status exists to support childcare; a family without children cannot usually host an au pair.
- 3 The ability to pay pocket money and cover costs. Board and lodging are in-kind, but the family must also pay the allowance, the au pair's language course where required, and any social contributions or programme fees. Our pocket money study by country gives dated, sourced figures for 19 destinations.
- 4 A language and culture commons. The family should be ready to speak its own language with the au pair and to include them in family life — not to treat them as invisible staff.
In France, the family must declare the au pair to URSSAF within eight days using the official form, and the convention sets the hours, the pocket money and the free days. In Germany, hosting an au pair usually requires going through an accredited placement agency under the Federal Employment Agency (Bundesagentur für Arbeit). In Spain, the au pair modality is framed by Royal Decree RD 1155/2024 and the family's declared obligations. Wherever you host, our host family handbook walks through the house rules to agree before arrival.
5. Regulatory vs cultural framework: country by country
Au pair rules are national. The table below separates what is fixed by law or official guidance ("regulatory") from what is negotiated between the family and the au pair ("cultural / contractual"). Amounts and ages are indicative references for 2026 and must always be checked with the authority named in the last column before signing anything.
| Country | Age | Hours / week | Pocket money (2026 ref.) | Regulatory | Cultural / contractual |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| France | 17-30 (EU/EEA) / 18-30 (non-EU) | 25 h max (5 h/day) | ≈ €326.25-€391.50/month (EU/EEA, board included); €320 min (non-EU) | Convention + URSSAF declaration within 8 days; VLS-TS visa for non-EU | Meals, outings, holidays, language course |
| Germany | 18-26 | 30 h max (6 h/day) | ≈ €280/month guideline | Placement via accredited agency; Bundesagentur für Arbeit framework | Language course, board, 4 weeks paid holiday |
| United States | 18-26 | 45 h max | Up to $500 toward required academic coursework + weekly stipend (FLSA-based, set by sponsor) | 22 CFR 62.31 (J-1 Exchange Visitor Programme, Department of State) | 6 semester hours of study, 2-week paid vacation |
| Spain | 18-30 | ~30 h | ≈ €320/month (≈ €80/week) reference practice; no legal minimum | Royal Decree RD 1155/2024 (au pair modality); residence formalities for non-EU | Language course, cultural immersion |
| Switzerland | 18-30 | ~30 h | ≈ CHF 600-900/month (varies by canton) | Host-country residence permit; cantonal rules | Language course, insurance, holidays |
| Belgium | 18-30 | ~30 h | ≈ €450-€750/month (regionalised: Flanders ≥ €450, Wallonia ≥ €750) | Regional rules (Flanders / Wallonia / Brussels differ) | Language course, board, holidays |
| United Kingdom | 18-30 (youth mobility) | As agreed | As agreed (no dedicated au pair visa) | No specific au pair visa: check Youth Mobility Scheme eligibility | Private agreement on board, pocket money, hours |
Germany
United States
Spain
United KingdomReference framework: Council of Europe 1969 European Agreement on Au Pair Placement (Strasbourg, 24.11.1969); US 22 CFR 62.31 (eCFR); French convention and URSSAF declaration (urssaf.fr); German placement framework (arbeitsagentur.de); Spain Royal Decree RD 1155/2024 (BOE-A-2024-24099). Figures are 2026 indications and do not replace the official source for your destination.
The cultural / contractual column is where negotiation happens: meal arrangements, how the au pair spends free time, whether the family pays for the language course, and how the au pair is included in family holidays. None of these should override the regulatory column — a family cannot agree with an au pair to work 40 hours a week to "make the exchange richer". For the full legal framework by country, see our pocket money and framework study and the how to become an au pair in Europe guide.
The three archetypes of au pair regulation
Across destinations, the schemes fall into three broad archetypes. Understanding which one applies to you avoids most surprises.
- The continental European model (France, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, Spain): a formal convention or national framework, a cap on weekly hours, a fixed or indicative allowance, and a mandatory or expected language course. The au pair is explicitly not an employee, and the paperwork (declaration, placement agency, residence permit) is part of the process.
- The US programme model (J-1, 22 CFR 62.31): a designed cultural-exchange visa, a sponsoring agency, a maximum of 45 working hours per week, a weekly stipend (FLSA-based, no federal minimum), a host-family contribution of up to $500 toward required academic coursework, and a mandatory study component. It is highly structured and closer to a supervised programme than a private arrangement.
- The flexible model (UK and some other destinations): no dedicated au pair visa, so the placement rests on the private agreement plus a general immigration route such as the Youth Mobility Scheme. Freedom is greater, but the protection of a specific status is lower — the written convention matters even more here.
Whatever the archetype, one rule holds: the au pair arrangement is never a way to bypass employment law. If the role starts to look like a permanent full-time job, it must be reclassified — for the family's protection as much as the au pair's.
6. Pocket money, taxes and social contributions
Pocket money is the financial heart of the arrangement, and the question families ask most often: do we owe taxes or social contributions on it? The answer depends entirely on the destination, because au pair status is deliberately built outside ordinary employment. In most European frameworks the au pair is not a salaried employee, so the family does not pay employer payroll taxes on the allowance. That does not mean there are no formalities at all — in France, the family still declares the au pair to URSSAF, which handles the specific au pair scheme, and some countries levy a reduced flat contribution.
Three principles keep families compliant:
- The allowance is not a salary. Because it is pocket money tied to a cultural exchange, it usually falls outside the minimum-wage rules — which is exactly why the hour cap exists and must be respected. Working beyond the cap turns the exchange into concealed employment.
- Declare what must be declared. Check whether your country requires a declaration, registration or contribution. France (URSSAF), Germany (placement agency reporting) and the US (J-1 programme sponsor) all have formal touchpoints; the UK, with no dedicated au pair route, relies more heavily on the private agreement and the Youth Mobility Scheme.
- Keep a written record. Keep the convention, proof of payments and the au pair's insurance details together. In an inspection or a dispute, documentation is your defence.
Amounts are revised regularly, so a 2024 figure may be obsolete in 2026. Always check the current official amount for the year of the placement. Our pocket money study by country compiles the legal or reference amounts for 19 destinations, each dated and sourced — and families can model the true monthly cost with our budget guides.
7. A typical au pair day (and week)
Job descriptions on paper rarely match lived reality, so here is what an ordinary week usually looks like. The exact rhythm varies by family, but the shape is consistent because it follows the children's school day.
Weekdays
- Morning (≈ 7:00-9:00): help the children get ready, prepare breakfast, walk or drive them to school.
- Midday: free time — often a language class, study, or personal projects.
- Afternoon (≈ 16:00-19:00): pick the children up, supervise homework and play, prepare their evening routine.
- Some evenings: occasional babysitting, usually agreed in advance and balanced with free evenings.
Weekly rhythm
- Total: around 20 to 30 hours, spread over five days in most countries.
- At least one full day off per week, and often one full weekend off per month.
- Light duties only: tasks tied to the children, not general housekeeping.
- Planned holidays: agreed in advance and written into the convention.
The single best predictor of a good experience is a realistic schedule agreed before arrival. Families that write the timetable down — including which evenings are free and how holidays are handled — report far fewer conflicts. Our host family handbook provides a ready-to-fill weekly grid.
8. How long does a stay last, and why the language course matters
The classic au pair stay runs from three to twelve months. Some countries allow a shorter placement (as little as a few weeks in summer), and several schemes allow a one-time extension — for example, a 12-month placement may be extendable by 6 or 12 months if both sides agree and the legal conditions still hold. Because a visa or residence permit is often tied to the placement, plan the extension well before the initial period expires, not in the final week.
The language course is not a perk — it is part of the legal definition of the exchange. It is what separates an au pair from an undeclared nanny. In France the au pair is expected to attend French classes; in Germany a language course is a core programme element; in the US the J-1 rules require the au pair to complete a minimum number of study units during the year. Host families should treat the course as part of the arrangement, not as a competing commitment to the children's schedule.
Newly created language schools and FLE centres publish their own timelines, and city guides list concrete course options. If mastering the local language is a priority, start with our French FLE classes by city and the destination guides in the everyday-life guides hub.
9. The benefits of being an au pair — and the gains for host families
For the au pair, this is an affordable way to live abroad, learn a language in immersion and gain an early sense of responsibility. Beyond the language, au pairs build independence, a foreign network and a cultural fluency that is hard to obtain any other way. Many use the stay as a bridge between studies and a first job, or as a gap year that strengthens a later application.
For the host family, it means flexible, human daily support, a caring presence for the children and a cultural opening at home. Children gain exposure to another language and worldview from someone who is part of the household rather than a rotating employee. The arrangement is often a win-win when it is well prepared.
To avoid misunderstandings, lay everything out from day one: hours, tasks, mealtimes, outings and days off. Our rematch & conflict management guide explains how to handle a disagreement and change families mid-stay if needed.
10. Safety and KYC: how to verify a match before you commit
Safety first
An au pair placement means living under someone else's roof, often abroad and without a local network. Never pay a fee, book a flight or sign a convention before you have verified the identity and the contact details of the other party. Legitimate families and legitimate au pairs both accept verification.
On AuPair Connect, every member account is anchored by a verified contact point, and members who want a higher level of trust can complete a voluntary KYC (Know Your Customer) certification through a third-party identity provider. Here is a practical verification checklist that applies whichever platform or agency you use.
- Video call before agreeing. A live call with the whole family (or the au pair) is the single most effective filter. Scams avoid live video.
- Verify the address. Ask for the full home address and cross-check it (street view, local registry where public). A P.O. box or a refusal to give an address is a red flag.
- Request identity and, where lawful, a background check. A passport or ID page, plus the criminal-record certificate required by the destination country for childcare roles.
- Never send money by wire, gift card or crypto. Legitimate host families do not ask an au pair to pay a "deposit" or "visa processing fee" by untraceable means.
- Put everything in writing in the convention: hours, pocket money, days off, language course, and the rematch procedure if the match fails.
- Keep an emergency contact and know who to call in the host country (your embassy, the programme's 24/7 line, or local emergency services).
Read how we apply these rules in our safety approach, including the risk signals we monitor and our GDPR-compliant handling of personal data. Host families can also set clear expectations before the first interview using our first-time host family guide.
11. Your five-step starter checklist
Whether you are the au pair or the family, the path from "I'm interested" to "I'm on my way" follows the same five steps. Work through them in order; each one removes a category of risk. Step 1 is the search itself: see our practical guide on how to find an au pair. For the full programme mechanics behind each step, see our guide on how au pairs work.
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Step 1 — Define your project
Decide the destination country, the duration (typically 3 to 12 months), and your non-negotiables: city size, number of children, hours, and whether you need a language course funded. For families, define the schedule, the tasks and the profile you need.
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Step 2 — Check the legal conditions
Confirm the age limit, the hour cap, the pocket-money amount and the visa or residence requirements for your destination. Non-EU nationals should start the visa process early (e.g. the VLS-TS "young au pair" visa in France, the J-1 in the US).
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Step 3 — Create your profile and match
Write an honest profile: experience, languages, eating habits, desired hours. Use a platform that lets you filter by destination and lifestyle, and compare several candidate families or au pairs before choosing. Our au pair websites comparison reviews the main options.
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Step 4 — Interview and verify (KYC)
Run video interviews, ask for references, verify identity and address, and agree the written convention. This is the step where the safety checklist above pays off.
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Step 5 — Prepare the departure
Complete the paperwork (visa, insurance, URSSAF declaration where applicable), book travel, and agree the first two weeks in detail: arrival, meals, shadowing with the children and the first language class. Our rematch and conflict guide explains what to do if the match needs adjusting.
12. Frequently asked questions about au pair status
What exactly is an au pair?
An au pair is a young adult who lives for a few months to a year with a host family abroad and helps with the children and light tasks in exchange for accommodation, meals and pocket money. It is a cultural and language exchange, not a full-time nanny job.
What age do you need to be an au pair?
Generally between 18 and 30. The limit depends on the destination country and the legal framework: in France the minimum is 17 for EU/EEA nationals (18 for non-EU) with a maximum of 30, and in Germany 18 to 26. You must usually be single and without children, though exceptions exist.
Is the au pair considered an employee?
No. Au pair status rests on a specific convention or contract, not a classic employment contract. The financial counterpart takes the form of pocket money, and each country sets its own rules on hours and pay. In France the relationship is a special convention declared to URSSAF, not a standard salaried job.
How many hours a week does an au pair work?
Usually about 20 to 30 hours per week (around 2 to 6 hours a day depending on the country). In France the legal maximum is 25 hours per week with a cap of 5 hours a day and one full day off per week plus one full weekend off per month.
How much pocket money does an au pair get?
Pocket money is set by each host country, not negotiated freely. As a reference, France allows around €326.25 to €391.50 per month (room and board included), Germany about €280 per month, and in the United States the J-1 programme requires the host family to contribute up to $500 toward the au pair’s required academic coursework, plus a weekly stipend based on 45 hours (FLSA-compliant, set by the sponsor). Always check the current official amount for your destination.
Can an au pair be fired or change families?
Yes. If the match is not working, most programmes and countries allow a change of family, called a rematch. The procedure differs: it may involve the agency, the host country authorities or a new placement. Never leave without a plan, as your visa or residence permit may be tied to the placement.
Is the au pair programme regulated by law?
In many countries, yes. France frames au pairs through a specific convention and a URSSAF declaration; Germany requires a placement through an accredited agency under the Federal Employment Agency (Bundesagentur für Arbeit); the United States regulates au pairs under the J-1 Exchange Visitor Programme, 22 CFR 62.31. The UK and Ireland have their own youth mobility and cultural exchange routes.
What is the difference between an au pair, a nanny and a babysitter?
An au pair lives with the family as part of a cultural exchange, works around 20 to 30 hours a week and receives pocket money, board and lodging. A nanny is an employee paid a salary, often full-time, and a babysitter provides occasional short-term care. Only the au pair combines a cultural exchange with light childcare.
How to find an au pair or a host family
Whether you are an au pair looking for a host family or a family looking for an au pair, the most important first step is to choose the right status and the right platform. On AuPair Connect you create a free profile describing your experience, languages, desired hours and eating habits. A compatibility algorithm then surfaces the au pairs or host families whose everyday expectations — parenting style, schedule and household tasks — best match yours. The first exchanges and getting-to-know-you phase stay free. It also pays to compare providers to weigh up destination countries, city selection and conditions.
To compare the platforms that organise au pair stays, read our best au pair websites comparison, our review of AuPair.com and our AuPairWorld test.
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Here are the essential resources to prepare your au pair stay well, whether you are a family or an au pair:
Prepared by AuPair Connect — Compliance Team
Every legal, tax or safety detail in this content is verified by the AuPair Connect Compliance Team against official sources and dated.
Notice anything inaccurate or out of date? Help us keep this content up to date by writing to hello@aupairconnect.app.